First Disappointment in Our Florida Plans

We've been through this a few times before when moving to another area so I should be used to it by now. But, it sure feels the same!

Had found "the perfect place" and just about figured out how we'd swing it. Then news came today: "There are multiple offers now & their attorney is reviewing them."

I emailed back & said we couldn't go beyond a certain price & would need REALISTICALLY another two weeks.

"Only if for some strange reason they continue to decline offers will yours be a possibility. But by then I expect the price will have climbed beyond your limit."

Technically, we're neither in the game or out because we haven't submitted an offer. The realtor just knows what our intentions are. But still, I'm feeling defeated.

I think it's more to do with the fact that until I heard about multiple offers, I didn't realize how much I wanted the place.

Sweetie's got a smile on his face because I was certain I did NOT want to be where this home is located. And, the house is pink!!! I hate that color.

But, I'd been going to bed the last couple nights thinking of the place & imagining where the furniture would go... I have to believe that things will eventually work out.

We looked at our previous home for months online & never planned to look at it until our last day visiting the area. So strange things happen when house shopping.

Mixed Messages

It's been a rough road this week.

The 68 year old man who longs for being on a boat in the Gulf spends his time smoking cigarettes while searching Yachtworld for boats; goes to the pulmonologist & lies about his daily routine; is prescribed yet another medication then comes home, opens the yet another medical bill and bitches that "nothing's helping him."

Duh?

To soothe his nerves he smokes yet three more cigs; calls two boat yards in on the northeast coast and asked how much it would cost to repair a 57' wood hull yacht.

WHAT? Where did this come from? I ask.

He's "found a good deal" on a "very attractive" boat that needs twenty feet of the bottom side repaired. As far as he's concerned, once that's done WE will motor down to Florida's Gulf coast and live happily ONBOARD the remainder of our lives.

When I ask about the cost of repair, he says: about "$40,000. When I ask where the money will come from, he doesn't know. When I point out that it will cost more to dock a boat that size he says we won't. When I say there will be times we'll need to (like when he has medical appointments/tests, boat repair, grocery shopping) he says I'm "worrying too much."

About the time I'm ready to scream tears come instead.

I want more than anything for him to live healthy enough & long enough to return to his beloved Florida but his ideas are becoming more unreasonable each week.

He alternates between being happy & depressed; thoughtful and irrational and complacent and angry.

He had an appointment in Lansing today. I had to help him dress & drive 60 miles round trip. He came out of the appointment with some med samples and an appointment in April. I asked how things went. He said "just fine; everything's fine."

So fine that he slept all the way home & I had to help him in the house.

What's That White Stuff?

Yesterday at 8 a.m. it began to snow and continued for most of the day and night. Woke up this morning to 9 degree temp, a drift across our front door and one drift in the driveway where Sweetie insisted on skipping a section of fence so he could look at the farmer's field next door

I guess the white stuff is here to stay.

Yuck.

The furnace runs more often, the air is dryer and the bet is on for the first time we'll have to have the drive plowed.

I say stock up on meds this week. Buy a few treats and let it snow.

When it melts in the spring we'll venture out.

Meanwhile, I like reading Florida newspapers for pictures of beaches, sunshine and boats on rivers and the Gulf.

Dreaming helps pass the long, dark, cold days of winter.

Thank YOU

I appreciate the care and encouragement each of you have offered the last couple days. My son appears to be doing better now. I know it was a cry for help & I pray that he will find answers and peace to the turmoil inside him.

Today I got my long hair cut. It's been on my mind for months & finally decided to get radical. There are days I'm unable to move my arms much & that made long hair hard to care for plus I was plagued by headaches from piling it up.

I went from butt length reddish/blond hair to wavy collar length auburn hair with strands of gray. Just wash and wear. Don't even have to comb it.

When I walked out to the car Sweetie didn't recognize me. I posted pics on Facebook and the same thing happened.

While at the salon, I told the gal if she did facelifts and body sculpting, I'd pay her anything. We both laughed.

It's been a great pick-me-up and long overdue.

When All Else Fails

It's too easy to get discouraged in today's world.

The headlines and talking heads are full of insanity, greed, killing, war, ignorance and lies.

What passes for entertainment on television is designed to dumb us down, IMHO.

Add to the mix family dynamics, petty gossip, navel gazing morons who have no consideration for anyone else and it's one big headache.

Dropping out of the mainstream, retreating to 40 acres in no man's land and living under the radar can keep some of it at bay.

But, we're all really connected to one another. If not, we wouldn't survive. If we don't have a partner or kids or grandkids or siblings there's still plenty of people we interact with - even if sporadically.

This week has been my turn at the grief/misery millstone. No matter what, I'm reaping the results of past decisions and the wrath of a few family members - all who have similar histories but somehow pay more attention to mine.

Last night, as I was about to turn the computer off, I checked messages one last time. One was from my youngest son asking me not to be angry for what he had to say & please, always love him no matter what he did.

Of course, I read on.

Thankfully, he was still online & I kept him talking long enough for someone else to get to him. I have not slept since & I've done a lot of crying, blaming myself, begging, praying and staring into space.

For those of you who believe, I would appreciate your prayers. My son is still here tonight but the thread is thin.

How's Your Economy Working?

Even us uber frugal people reach our limit at times. Today was mine.
We needed propane. We had 200 gallons delivered at a cost of $608 including tax. A year ago when we filled the tank (450 gallons) it cost $1.69/gal. Today is was $2.849/gal.

Then we call in a refill for Sweetie's nebulizer med. His COPAY on one script was raised by $41.00!

Next, we get a notice on our car insurance. It's going up too so we dropped the truck insurance for the second time in six months.

His Social Security raise was $20.00.

Tell me please, what is wrong with this picture?

We seldom leave the house because we can't afford gas for the 1996 Ford Crown Vic with 130,000 miles on it. Gas receipts for December came to $63.45. That's for a month, not a week or a few days. This month we've spent $43.25 and have 1/4 tank left.

Summer property taxes are overdue. Get turned over to the county Feb. 28th I think. With interest it's only $198 and change but that's not the point. The winter tax bill will be due soon too.

We have concluded we'll have to keep selling stuff (as long as we can find buyers) just to pay taxes and hold a bit back. Last night I sorted garden seeds & cleaned pots. I'll plant inside April 1st. unless by some miracle we're gone by then.

I have absolutely no confidence in any fix for the financial mess in this country & little hope that we'll have golden years. I shake my head when I hear of shootings, robberies, rapes, drug & alcohol addiction, abuse and believe it will only get worse.

Today, two people stopped by for our indoor yard sale. I made $4.00. Woopie!

They told someone else & that guy pedaled a bike here. His truck motor had blown up so he looked at our truck. We've had three lookers & nine calls. Everyone wants to "work some kind of a deal" or have us cut the price in half.
Another sign of the times.

I don't listen to the presidential debates. It's a dog & pony show & no matter who the next president is it won't improve my life much. No wonder people are disillusioned.

We sit home grateful to have TV, internet & a pantry of food and we still get robbed a little more every month. For what?

Hope & Synchronicity Keep Us Going

Not a day goes by that Sweetie and I don't mention our move to Florida. Whether it's a comment on the weather, the opportunities to travel throughout the state by boat or the latest items we've listed on Craigslist, our minds seem to run on parallel tracks.

We have centered our search in the Inglis/Yankeetown area due to the small town offerings, the Withlacoochie River and the relatively inexpensive prices compared to Fort Myers/Alva. In our dream of dreams, we'd still like to land a waterfront house NOT a mobile home. To do either we'll need a great move of God, a winning lottery ticket or an anonymous donor. But, we believe in the impossible so time will tell.

If any of you happen to know of someone in the Dunnellon/Yankeetown/Inglis area who own waterfront on the river or Lake Rousseau and may be interested in a private sale or a Michigan home, please send them our way.

The phone's been ringing the past couple days as we list things in the pole barn. Our unseasonable weird weather goes from snow to rain to wind to ice and sleet and cycles all over again. On day school's cancelled & most people have sense enough to stay home. The next day everyone seems to be hitting the highway at the same time when the weather breaks. We had 5" of snow on the ground yesterday followed by rain, lightening and thunder. Today we have rain, fog and no snow but icy tracks on our gravel road. More snowfall is forecast tonight.

I end each day thanking God for our life, our joint venture and dream of that two bedroom, one bath waterfront home we have our eye on. Just the right size, a screened lanai, carport, storage shed, dock and quiet neighborhood. And FURNISHED.

Have a great week!

Best Laid Plans

Rain most of the day so no snowshoeing.

Our two orange tabby cats pulled a fast one on me today: Slick, the male, stayed inside all afternoon snoozing. Milo, the female went out this morning and hasn't returned.

I spend the day reading & cooking and thought it was Milo on the sofa because she's the one who prefers being inside.

Checked their food dish outside & none had been eaten. Sweetie thinks Milo is visiting across the street. I hope so.

Made peach crisp instead of apple crisp today. About to enjoy a piece with a cup of tea.

Time to Mix Things Up!

No time like the present to stir the pot; mix things up; add a little flavor; risk a new venture; let go of things that no longer hold purpose or my heart and create a life that is more in tune with ME.

I excel at caring for others. Meanwhile, my needs go on the back burner where the water evaporates, the pan burns and the fire alarm doesn't go off because the batteries are dead.

Just when I think my plate's full and I've earned a nap on the sofa, along comes a cart full of ingredients with appealing colors, texture, taste and calories to whet an appetite I didn't know I had.

Instead of peanut butter and jelly, I've tried peanut butter and banana. Finding that bland and predictable, I tempted my taste buds with peanut butter, apple slices and hickory smoked bacon - on homemade wheat bread. Now, that's living.

So why not expand my palate? Why not get up at 7 a.m. even if I went to bed four hours earlier? Why not set the alarm clock, slip into my old thermal sweatsuit, wear two pairs of socks, dig out my snowshoes, grab my gloves and flashlight, hook my water bottle on my fanny pack & make bear paw patterns in fresh snow on the field next door?

Why sleep in late, drink the same coffee, eat the same yogurt, sit in the same chair & read the same blogs & newspapers that I have every day since I don't know when?

Looking back, I can see how I got to this point. Physical ailments, emotionally drained, caring for a dying dog, broke, discouraged, frustrated, wishing a few things would "work out" that I really had no control over. It seemed easier to not get dressed, not go anywhere, read online or turn pages of a real book, eat and sleep and shower whenever I felt like it. Drop out of groups, stop talking to most people, just veg out and hit the rewind button the next day.

My life has become like my elderly friend. The same grocery list every week. The same TV dinners and Jimmy Deal sausage & gravy breakfast bowls. Six plain donuts and six raspberry filled bismarks. Once a month a new container of Folgers and two bags of chicken strip dog treats for John-John. Five bananas, six oranges, half gallon of vitamin D milk, one dozen eggs, one loaf of white bread, Koegel's ring balogna and a package of Kraft sharp cheddar cheese. No wonder she spends he day gossiping on the phone and listening to the police scanner.

This down time's been a necessary detour; a time to recuperate, regroup and re-commit to certain choices.

All I know right now is, life continues and I want to live, not exist.

And I want to do it on my terms. I need to nourish me because I feel time is escaping my grasp. I've done something I've done a million times in my life. I've bought the low priced version or skipped it all together and told myself I didn't really need it.

I've let someones habits, choices, opinions and lifestyle determine mine. And it's not healthy.

So, I can't say when you'll hear from me again. Maybe next week, maybe next month. It's me time and I desperately need it.

Thanks for stopping by, Treesong

It's a Cat's Life

With the passing of Lady, our three cats have done their best to ease the pain with humor!

The first picture is Kitty Kitty who I rescued when we lived in Kalkaska. This is the look she gave me when I asked how she like her new companions. The second photo is Slick, a male who was here when we bought this place but originally lived across the road. The third photo is Milo. She was originally the previous owner's cat.

Many years ago Milo and Slick switched homes. Milo moved to a barn where other cats lived & four of them were fed at the owner's back door. The remaining cats were ferel & most lived short lives.

Slick came here and ran off any competition, He earned his name for his ability to get out of tight spots while constantly teasing three dogs.

A few months ago Milo began visiting every day & eventually decided to stay. I estimate she's about 8-10 years old and I suspect she'd had her fill of the competition, cold weather and antics of younger cats.

When she first spotted Lady, she ran for cover & wouldn't come inside because she knew Lady was laid just inside the door. Eventually she realized Lady could no longer walk and even curled up next to Lady during the last month of her life.

I was determined to bring Milo & Slick inside and domesticate them. The onset of winter and their advancing years has convinced them it's a great idea. Yesterday, both cats refused to go outside. Each has claimed their favorite resting place, depending on the time of day.

Meanwhile, Kitty Kitty is waging war. Vicious at first, subtle now. When one cat moves, the others follow. It's like musical chairs with the litter box, food dishes, sleeping spots and cuddle time with me and Sweetie.

About 6 a.m. I woke up to loud meowing. It was Milo pacing the kitchen floor. I thought she wanted to go outside & promptly opened the door. She practically cemented herself the the floor and stared in fright at the prospect of stepping on snow & being cold. Of course, I shut the door & told her to make up her mind. She began the same loud meow; I opened the door again, picked her up & placed her on the deck. Looking through the door window I saw her stand motionless for about a minute, then do a 180 degree jumping turn and beat the heck out of the door with her front paws. Nasty me opened the door and she skidded across the kitchen floor, landing beneath the Hoosier cabinet.

I got back in bed & she began meowing again.

Up I get again, cursing beneath my breath. I know cats understand English because I asked very directly, "What in God's name do you want?"

She glared at me, turned around and walked to her litter box. I followed like the obedient owner I am & found her kicking it with her right front paw.

I bought a huge, deep litter box that holds one 40# bag of litter and all the cats use it while ignoring the old, smaller box. Her message was: Clean the box!!!

I sift the litter 2-3 times a day but apparently need to do it just before bedtime. After doing her business, Milo jumped on the bed, crawled along my side and licked my face!

Three hours later, I woke up and found Kitty Kitty laying across the entry to our bedroom. Milo was curled up across the entry to our bathroom at the opposite side of the room. Slick was stretched out at the foot of our bed.

Soon, all three cats sprung from their spots and tumbled through the air with fur flying. A chorus of meowing and screeching joined Sweetie's snoring as he slept through it all.

When the fur settled each cat had moved counter clockwise to the same locations and peace reigned for another hour. Once Sweetie woke up, they dash ahead of him to the bathroom where he asked them to move so he could enter. They parked themselves almost single file outside the bathroom then sprang for the living room when he stepped from the bathroom. I got his coffee while he sat in his recliner. Each cat picked a seat, one on the other recliner, another on the sofa & one in my wing chair.

We'll have entertainment all winter as three adult cats share our 900 square feet.

R.I.P. Lady

Sweetie put Lady down about 1 p.m. today.

It's been planned for awhile but that didn't make it any easier. He's had her 11 years and I've shared in her love and care for nearly five years.

The house seems empty tonight. We stare at the spot on the living room floor where she laid. Gone from the floor at the foot of our bed is her quilt covered in towels and blue pads. I've washed her dishes, quilt & towels & placed them in a yard sale bag. The nearly full bag of dog food will be given to a friend tomorrow.

Our three cats wander from living room to bedroom sniffing where she used to lay.

Today I tossed a package of chicken gizzards in the grocery cart, took a couple steps, then realized I don't need them. I stood there and cried while people stared.

Her grave's been dug for weeks and we've delayed the inevitable. With a winter storm looming & Lady totally incontinent the last 28 hours, we had to let her go.

Sweetie took a load of aluminum scrap to the junk yard and Lady rode with him. I had the feeling he'd park next to her grave when he returned. He did as I expected then came inside for an inhaler.

I walked to the car, opened the door and laid next to her for one last hug. I couldn't bear anymore so I went inside. The car blocked my view but not the sound. Every few shovels of dirt Sweetie straightened up, wept and used his inhaler. When finished he came in & we held one another and cried until the tears dried.

My daily routine was consumed by either caring for Lady or thinking about her. Now that she's gone I feel adrift and tired. The emotional and physical toll needs time to heal.

It's said that a dog is man's best friend. Lady was that and so much more.

Indoor Yard Sale

I invited all my local friends & acquaintances to our all winter long indoor yard sale.

Kind of strange to have people walk in, sort through piles and me point out that most of everything else is for sale too.

As long as we have a bed, the TV and a couple chairs to sit in, the rest is fair game. Already have a few pieces reserved for pick up later.

This must be the right path because I've packed five plastic storage containers with stuff we're taking & only have a set of dishes, pots & pans & silverware & our clothing to go.

Have two people interested in buying though unable to do so now. I told each we may still be here next fall so they have time.

My letting go, nonchalant attitude sure is stress free!

The Upside of Procrastination

In this household it's easy to see the results of procrastination. Work delayed means more work later. Decisions delayed sometimes result in better choices or paying less for something because the price drops, or discovering that a problem with the car was a misdiagnosis.

And then there's my reaction to procrastination - which is generally Sweetie procrastinating and me doing something on my own. Which may be what he's counting on.

And then the cycle of late has been for me to follow his example. I've resorted to soups, sandwiches, casseroles and even cereal or eggs. Saves on work, money to replenish stuff in the freezer, dirty dishes and me getting dressed to go out.

Procrastination has saved a bundle on gasoline and laundry too. The car gas tank was filled 3 weeks ago. The tank registers 3/4 full. Gas then was $3.24. It was $3.89 yesterday.

Instead of three loads of laundry a week, I've done one. I last got dressed on Jan.5th

We have money left in the checking account - which we may need if the land contract payment doesn't arrive on time again this month.

Even the mail has been left to accumulate for three days before one of us goes outside to get it.

His procrastination is rubbing off on me big time.

Sweetie

My dear man has it bad. He's so wrapped up about selling out, driving to Florida & living on a boat I'm concerned he may just forget the first part & take off in the car.

NO KIDDING!

He had a dermatology appointment in Lansing this morning & said, as he walked out the door, "I could just keep driving south & be there by Sunday morning."

I really wanted to say, "Go ahead & I'll take care of things here."

He knows we have much to accomplish before we land in Florida but he sits here hour after hour either searching Yachtworld and Craigslist or calling marinas. This afternoon he called marinas from Panama City to Naples!

The economic challenge of this venture has hit home: live aboards who traditionally rent a dock with water, power and other features spend anywhere from $450-1,200 a month before ever buying fuel, groceries, bait, repairs, etc.

In other words, we can't afford it. We'll have to "live on the hook" tying up at free public marinas to quickly resupply or befriend a private dock owner who will rent cheaply enough that we can handle it.

I think the whole round of phone calls today bummed him out big time. He's napping now. Hopefully that helps his mood.

Meanwhile, I'm still searching the ads & listing items on Craigslist. Had my first sale today: $125 for two antique bowls.

Blessing to all of you, Treesong

From Dreaming to Doing

So we decided to sell everything; drive to Florida; find a boat & move aboard.

Since making the decision, we've immersed ourselves in our goal to the point that any schedule we did follow has evaporated.

The last time we were so immersed and excited by something was probably the day we met!

In formulating plans, we at first said things like: "Next spring we'll need to hold yard sales & advertise on Craigslist, etc."

So much of what we need to do was placed in the future.

Today I thought, why not start clearing out STUFF now? I posted on Facebook, placed things on Craigslist and sent out a few emails.

Sure, lots of people have spent their money on Christmas or have property tax bills coming due. That doesn't mean there are no buyers, just fewer. If we can unload things piece by piece instead of prepping for a number of outdoor sales, I think it will be less stress.

The key will be consistent steps over the long haul. And managing the money we collect. We have some debt so that's the first place it will go. We have two properties to unload and these will likely be our greatest challenge.

So all you folks in blogger land, if you know of anyone looking for a 14-70, 2 bed, 2 bath, mobile home with pole barn on five acres between Grand Rapids and Lansing, Michigan, PLEASE send them my way. Extensive remodeling/weatherization has been done. GREAT neighbors. Gravel road that's 6/10 of a mile from M-21 the east/west across most of the state. We have great grocery store, gas station, elementary school, post office, bank, bar, barber/beauty shop and library within 2 miles.

Selling clothing, books, Charles Wysocki puzzle collection (80), tools, bass boat with motor, old Elgin & Johnson motors, golf cart, fabric, dishes, pots/pans, antiques, furniture, chainsaws, acetylene torches/tanks, and a zillion other items.

If you're on the Gulf (preferably Florida), we're looking for a seaworthy 40-44' trawler with galley/salon combination (less steps that way, two berths, 1-2 heads, AC/heat, generator, swim step, dinghy and flying bridge preferred. I look at Yachtworld and Boat Trader DAILY but perhaps there's a suitable vessel sitting around that is not listed. Or someone who has one but hasn't been too serious about selling. The lower the price, the more it catches our interest. We've found a couple in the $35-$49K range & that's where we feel comfortable.

No trips to the Bahamas or the Great Loop are planned. We're simple, laid back, frugal people who just want to free ourselves of any mortgage, lawn care, snow, property taxes/insurance and anchor or cruise at our own whim.

Well, I've said enough. I think it's time I actually did something around here today! Happy New Year to all of you. Treesong

Listening to That Still, Small Voice

It's been there for months now. The realization that we're not quite where we want to be. If blame were placed, it would be on me because I was insistent on moving here from the Upper Peninsula in stead of straight to Florida.

As things have worked out, it's been a midway point on our journey with plenty of advantages. For one, it's helped both of us distill our ideal lifestyle. I've made new friends and reconnected with an old one. And finally, we've recognized that even though we both have medical issues, we still have the ability to move once again.

Now, whether or not we will remains to be seen. But, I'm a firm believer in making my intentions known to the Universe & honing in on subtle messages via people, dreams, conversations, research and memories - to name a few.

If you've read this blog for any length of time you know Sweetie was a shrimper in Florida & has always wanted to return to the state, not the profession. I'm the one who's attitude needed to change. My ONE experience in Florida was miserable & my knowledge of the state minuscule.

In the past year I've read every thing Florida til my eyes turn blurry. The friend I reconnected with lived in Florida after spending her life in Michigan. She's been a gold mine of info and knows me fairly well

And, like all dreams/aspirations they have congealed over time. Looking back I can see where step by step I was approaching this life change while not realizing it. Some examples are: the move to the Upper Peninsula; leaving the UP; buying the 22' Carver boat; learning to fish again (though I'm still not a fan, I can do it); and being honest with ME about who I am and what I like/dislike/believe.

Not only have I become reclusive, I am also more intolerant and disgusted with most of what passes for civilization. The mantra that keeps flashing in my head is: "Simplify, simplify, simplify."

Simplicity no longer means owning acreage, barns, animals, machinery and 3-5 years worth of firewood. Neither of us have the strength or will to care for any of it.

On my crankier days I'd rather lay in bed and die than get up and vacuum, wash clothes, participate in community activities, drive anywhere, sort food storage, weed the garden, can the tomatoes, sit in the doctor's office, have another damn test that will tell me what I already know, or listen to anyone complain about who's doing what or how beautiful the Kardashian wedding was. It's all too much anymore.

So yesterday, during a quiet afternoon, with Sweetie in his recliner & me in my wing chair, I asked him, "what would you do if you could do anything with the rest of your life?"

"Live on a boat in Florida."

It was that simple.

We have no idea how or when but we know why. And we know we're in it together.
While drinking tea, I filled four 8x11 pages both sides in a tablet with info, ideas, questions and dreams.

Today I've been online since 9 a.m. It is now 6:16 p.m. and my research has helped us distill yesterday's musing, writing and decision.

A little while ago I sat here & laughed til my sides ached. Sweetie kept smiling & finally asked if I would include him in on the joke.

"This is the best solution EVER for you not accumulating anymore junk for the pole barn & me not bitching about it!"

With a grin he said, "Think of all the times we wouldn't have moved my junk if you had agreed to Florida four years ago."

Grinning back, I said, "Four years ago you wanted to buy a house in Florida."

True this is the early beginning of our next move but our hearts are light, our spirits bright and any stress or worry has evaporated - for now.

What a wonderful place to be!

The Year Ahead

Our friends from Flint drove over yesterday & joined us in our Christmas meal. The company's been good; so good, in fact, that we all took a nap within an hour of dinner. Nice to feel so comfortable with people that pretense and expectation are non-existent.

About this time every year, I reflect on the past and think about the coming year.

In the last few months I've felt a shift coming. Nothing dramatic or earth shattering as in a cataclysmic event - though who knows if one subscribes to the 2012 hoopla.

Over time I've become more reclusive and contemplative. My interest or desire to participate in just about anything outside our home has evaporated. I don't feel I've missed anything nor owe anyone an apology. It may sound arrogant, but I prefer my own company. I savor the quiet, the antics of our cats, the clock ticking, the cloud formations, the wind scattering leaves, the shadows as daylight wanes, the simplicity of needing no title or designation, the warmth of a bowl of soup or cup of tea, the freedom to lay in bed for hours without apology, the ease of communicating via a glance or smile, the joy in just being & not striving.

My posts have been few this year and this will continue. It's not that I have nothing to say or don't care. Most things have already been said and I hear more in contemplation.

Blessings to everyone in 2012.

Christmas Our Way

Christmas our way began by getting out of bed at 1:30 p.m., staying in my jammies and savoring three cups of coffee and one yogurt. The leisurely, carefree mood continued as I fed the dog, kissed Sweetie, gave each cat their tummy rub & hug, then read emails & Facebook.

Repeated remarks about "rushing," or "haven't got it all done," left me feeling thankful I don't buy in to the drama!

We have no tree, no decorations inside, no gifts, one blueberry pie, and a wreath outside where the birds feast on nut cubes, suet packs and popcorn garland.

Had a light dusting of snow last night but it melted by noon. If the weatherman's forecast holds true, we'll have a green Christmas. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!

Called my elderly friend & who repeatedly said, "I'll be glad when this is all over." Felt strange to say, "Have a merry Christmas in spite of all the craziness."

For company in her long, housebound days, she listens to the scanner & soaks in the negativity. I suggested she turn it off but after 30 years the background noise is part of her DNA.

We may or may not receive a phone call from "up north" where most of my family resides. Sweetie's son called two days ago, dreading the next few days & recounting his money woes so that was cheerful.

With all the self-induced stress and distraction people create over the holiday, it's a wonder anyone has peace and good will toward others.

Makes me count our blessings even more while the frenzy continues a few more days.

My wish for each of you is a thankful heart, compassionate soul and love for one another.

Anyone Else Notice

Today, on Facebook, a "friend" of my youngest son, made a wisecrack about him miss-spelling a word & then called him a F-ing retard.

Being Mama Bear, I got upset. Of course, I sent a private message to the young man telling him my son's is dyslexic, has worked his arse off in his business & gets tired (& sometimes angry) with people's remarks.

The mid-20 man messaged back: "So what. I'm dyslexic too and Idgf (I don't give a F---) what I say. Chill out."

This exchange could easily become tit for tat but why bother? He's probably laughing his arse off. But - I am damn sick of careless remarks; teasing people who have various challenges and downright rude behavior. I doubt this generation knows what "rude" is based on their typical behavior.

Of all the young men, women & teens my son comes into contact with, he sees one constant: swearing, rudeness, impatience and an "I want it now" attitude. He began his business at 17 with $300 he borrowed and has worked an average of 14 hour days ever since, often seven days a week. His skill and drive have given him a business that grows every year - all while he doesn't read or write very well.

Plenty of people have offered to help him improve his reading/writing but he's too busy multi tasking. He also ignores the red lines beneath miss-spelled words. His mind is either computing, planning, organizing, obsessing or stressing. Yep, in addition to the dyslexia, he's obsessive/impulsive. The first trait has him running circles around competitors while the later has required lots of counseling to temper the impulsive tendency.

Despite his best efforts, the long hours coupled with other business & personal demands take their toll & his fuse blows. When it does the people in the immediate vicinity get a dress down - not the ignorant joker.

Call it Mama Bear wisdom from holiday rushes past, I just knew he would blow today. Unfortunately, his kids and girlfriend where the recipients. If the idgf Facebook friend had been present, perhaps he would have understood the ramifications of his remark.

Expect the Unexpected

Seems every once in awhile we get a reminder that the best laid plans go astray; the unexpected should be expected, especially as the economy unravels and big government grasps at every opportunity to keep people down.

As I've mentioned before, we have a property we sold on a land contract. It's become routine to hold our breath every month waiting for the payment. Once again, it's late. Once again Sweetie placed a phone call, which was ignored. Once again we'll mail a registered letter only this time it includes a notice to quit. Then we hold our breath and hope no physical damage is done to the place or we have faint hope that the buyer will magically pay us in full. Reality will be somewhere between those two scenarios.

What angers me most regarding this situation is that the buyers are both working but spending money foolishly. Meanwhile our monthly obligations become a juggling act and we often dip into what we call our sacred cache in order to pay on time.

Then there's other unexpected events that leave us bewildered. One is the ongoing struggles of an acquaintance. After "poor me" pleas and drunken rants fail to solve her problems, she resorts to stealing and blatant lies. It's hard to have compassion when she repeatedly makes poor choices. She was found hiding in a janitor closet at a business about to close. She slapped the night clerk, tried to grab cash, was chased by the police, fought with them, and tore her clothes off in the squad car. Screams of "I'm a victim, I'm a victim" no longer garner empathy because her anger, fear and carelessness have clouded her thinking. Consequently, she's in jail, her children in foster care and her belongings on the sidewalk following an eviction.

Then, we make a quick trip to town and come home to find more cats dropped off here and some one's spun donuts in our front yard.

We called two of the three neighbors visible from our place but none had heard or seen anything. One did say: "It's just beginning. I think we need to have a neighborhood patrol, especially after dark." He then told us the wood he piled on his back deck yesterday had disappeared and the neighbor in the valley next to him had his truck windows smashed in two nights ago. What's incredible about that is the truck was sitting 1/4 mile down a driveway that cuts through the woods! In other words, way out of plain view & his iron gate is locked at night. Some ass walked through the woods or down that drive just to break windows!

We're half a mile off a main road near a community of 600 people minding our own business and trying to keep our heads above water. If it's this crazy here is it because everything is more apparent in a small town or is this a microscopic sample of the big wide world?