No time like the present to stir the pot; mix things up; add a little flavor; risk a new venture; let go of things that no longer hold purpose or my heart and create a life that is more in tune with ME.
I excel at caring for others. Meanwhile, my needs go on the back burner where the water evaporates, the pan burns and the fire alarm doesn't go off because the batteries are dead.
Just when I think my plate's full and I've earned a nap on the sofa, along comes a cart full of ingredients with appealing colors, texture, taste and calories to whet an appetite I didn't know I had.
Instead of peanut butter and jelly, I've tried peanut butter and banana. Finding that bland and predictable, I tempted my taste buds with peanut butter, apple slices and hickory smoked bacon - on homemade wheat bread. Now, that's living.
So why not expand my palate? Why not get up at 7 a.m. even if I went to bed four hours earlier? Why not set the alarm clock, slip into my old thermal sweatsuit, wear two pairs of socks, dig out my snowshoes, grab my gloves and flashlight, hook my water bottle on my fanny pack & make bear paw patterns in fresh snow on the field next door?
Why sleep in late, drink the same coffee, eat the same yogurt, sit in the same chair & read the same blogs & newspapers that I have every day since I don't know when?
Looking back, I can see how I got to this point. Physical ailments, emotionally drained, caring for a dying dog, broke, discouraged, frustrated, wishing a few things would "work out" that I really had no control over. It seemed easier to not get dressed, not go anywhere, read online or turn pages of a real book, eat and sleep and shower whenever I felt like it. Drop out of groups, stop talking to most people, just veg out and hit the rewind button the next day.
My life has become like my elderly friend. The same grocery list every week. The same TV dinners and Jimmy Deal sausage & gravy breakfast bowls. Six plain donuts and six raspberry filled bismarks. Once a month a new container of Folgers and two bags of chicken strip dog treats for John-John. Five bananas, six oranges, half gallon of vitamin D milk, one dozen eggs, one loaf of white bread, Koegel's ring balogna and a package of Kraft sharp cheddar cheese. No wonder she spends he day gossiping on the phone and listening to the police scanner.
This down time's been a necessary detour; a time to recuperate, regroup and re-commit to certain choices.
All I know right now is, life continues and I want to live, not exist.
And I want to do it on my terms. I need to nourish me because I feel time is escaping my grasp. I've done something I've done a million times in my life. I've bought the low priced version or skipped it all together and told myself I didn't really need it.
I've let someones habits, choices, opinions and lifestyle determine mine. And it's not healthy.
So, I can't say when you'll hear from me again. Maybe next week, maybe next month. It's me time and I desperately need it.
Thanks for stopping by, Treesong