Sunday, April 11, 2010

Dad's Decision

My father decided Friday to remain here full time and give up his rental home. We're relieved and he's admitted he really doesn't want to leave us.

There is, of course, more to the story. While on a walk yesterday he said he had "to be honest" with me. "I've waited for two years for your brother to invite me to stay at the farm with him," he said. "It's not going to happen and I don't want to be alone any more."

Dad's always claimed he'd be carried out of his house feet first. Truth be told, he wanted to die at the farm where he raised us. My brother owns the place but is seldom there. As Dad said, his four day visit to the farm while "the ass" was home "was the most time he's spent with me in 25 years."

My brother is what I call a professional soldier. He takes assignments from various governments or US agencies; is gone for months on end, often not letting anyone know where; and seldom contacts Dad. He's a self-absorbed, arrogant jerk who has no patience for anyone who's no in "top form." An elderly, infirm man cramps his style. Dad said he did his best to "keep up with him" as he worked around the farm or shopped in town but finally realized he was "wearing himself out."

His son's life is all about getting drunk and impressing people. He throws big parties; buys dinner and rounds of drinks for 20 or more; and sits around drunk telling fascinating stories of his exploits. In the meantime his fourth wife dutifully carries out whatever "orders and instructions" he yells at her; manages the bill payments and projects he's commissioned; and cries with loneliness while he has multiple affairs.

It's a sad, pathetic life for both of them and my Father, who used to keep his son on a pedestal, has grown angry and weary. Remarkably, my brother saw no changes in Dad and told his wife, "there's nothing wrong with him that a few drinks wouldn't cure." This statement comes from a man with high blood pressure and gout who claims he'll never grow old. Given his lifestyle, he may be right.

So, today we move my Dad's bookcase, pictures, file cabinet and clothing. He says he'll contact my siblings and his grandkids about any furniture they may want, otherwise it'll be left behind. His SUV is here and he knows he can drive anywhere anytime he chooses so he hasn't "lost all his freedom." Aside from my brother's behavior, it's the "slowing down, getting older" part that troubles him most. Sweetie and I are a few steps behind him in that department, so we're good company for one another. Together, the three of us will carry on.

In a day or so I'll post on my
Living In La, La Land
blog. We met with the township supervisor yesterday regarding the fence, the garbage and the general attitude of a few neighbors. It was an interesting meeting.

Have a great day and keep prepping. Treesong


Mayberry said...

Que the family poop storm! I'm glad your Dad decided to stay with y'all.

Heh, verification word is "unite"!

LizBeth said...

Say, that's great. I know it must be some relief to have that settled -- even if you'll still get flack for it! Blessings! ~Liz

Anonymous said...

Good for ALL of you . I'm with Mayberry quick in the family poop storm. You are doin' what is right! Beth

WomanWhoRunsWithHorses said...

That's great news, Treesong. You and Sweetie are a blessing to your dad and having him with you will be a huge blessing to you.

Anonymous said...

I expect all your lives will be enriched with Dad staying with you.

There'll be problems, to be sure. But the peace of mind knowing he's safe and happy is worth so much more.

HermitJim said...

My friend, I am so glad to hear this news! Good for Dad, good for you, and good for ever4yone that counts!

I do hope that the rest of the family can learn to live with it, though. Family can be a real pain in the backside!

Good luck for the future!