More Greif

I didn't say anything here about my cat Mita leaving home Monday night and not returning. She wenr outside with our dogMonday night but didn't return. We found her two roads away from here Wednesday afternoon. In the last couple weeks she started loosing weight so we surmised she had gone off to die. When we found her she was sitting next to a pontoon boat hissing at a dog. It rained heavily while she was gone but she looked fine and I was relieved.

By Thursday she stopped eating and drank very little and began to stumble and loose the use of her hind legs. I tried to hold her in my lap which she used to crave but she would retreat to a corner. On Saturday she changed her tune and wanted to be near me constantly so I abandoned just about everything to be with her.

And I've cried and cried and cried. We buried her last night.

I've realized these last days that Mita has been the one constant, unconditional, loving, devoted, humorous companion in my life for 13 years. My world has gone to Hell and back a few times but she was always there.

We had little routines that measured our day. Most mornings I opened my eyes to see here staring at me. If she wasn't there I had slept in late and she was waiting at the end of the hall for me. As soon as she spotted me she started meowing AND WOULD NOT STOP until I had poured my cup of coffee, retrieved my yogurt, and sat in my wing chair with my legs on my ottoman and an oblong pillow across my lap. She was on the ottoman trying to position herself before I sat my coffee on the wicker table next to my chair. Most mornings she licked the yogurt from the lid, then stretched out across the pillow. She'd stay there until I got up - which always seemed to be too soon for her.

If I spent too much time at the computer she'd jump on the keyboard, turn to face me and give me a distinct meow. She usually followed me to the mailbox and ran to greet me when I opened the door after being gone. At dinner time she sat by my chair begging for pieces of meat.

When my friend Nancy died and I cried a lot, she came up to me one day and wiped the tears, first with her right paw, then her left. That made me smile.

If I stopped petting her before she'd had enough attention, she'd give me a tap with her right paw. If I neglected to clean the litter box since she or Kitty Kitty had last used it, she'd sit in front of it and meow loudly.

About 10 p.m. each night she'd go to our bed and curl up at the foot of my side. If I stayed up past 2 p.m. she'd come looking for me. When I crawled in bed she nuzzled my neck, I'd say good night and she'd take her place at my feet.

When my ex and I split I didn't take Mita with me - being as I was living in my car then. My Dad said Mita wandered the house looking for me and laid on my side of the bed until my ex got in it. I got a good chuckle over that story! Months later, when I picked her up, she jumped into my arms and hung on for dear life. Mita had been declawed years ago but somehow she clung to me and shrieked when I tried to put her down. Those days were another tear jerker.

I've felt lost these last days knowing she was dying. And last night, I dreaded going to bed. Today, I feel at loose ends. We planned to stay home and work on the bathroom but I could barely stand to be here. After breakfast I looked at Sweetie and said, "I cannot stay here right now."

Thank God, he's a sensitive and wise man. We drove to my Dad's and took down his flagpole, mailed a package and got gas. But still I ache. I'm avoiding my wing chair but keep walking to the kitchen slider to look out across the yard at her grave.

And now I have to go because I cannot see to type.