First Disappointment in Our Florida Plans

We've been through this a few times before when moving to another area so I should be used to it by now. But, it sure feels the same!

Had found "the perfect place" and just about figured out how we'd swing it. Then news came today: "There are multiple offers now & their attorney is reviewing them."

I emailed back & said we couldn't go beyond a certain price & would need REALISTICALLY another two weeks.

"Only if for some strange reason they continue to decline offers will yours be a possibility. But by then I expect the price will have climbed beyond your limit."

Technically, we're neither in the game or out because we haven't submitted an offer. The realtor just knows what our intentions are. But still, I'm feeling defeated.

I think it's more to do with the fact that until I heard about multiple offers, I didn't realize how much I wanted the place.

Sweetie's got a smile on his face because I was certain I did NOT want to be where this home is located. And, the house is pink!!! I hate that color.

But, I'd been going to bed the last couple nights thinking of the place & imagining where the furniture would go... I have to believe that things will eventually work out.

We looked at our previous home for months online & never planned to look at it until our last day visiting the area. So strange things happen when house shopping.

Mixed Messages

It's been a rough road this week.

The 68 year old man who longs for being on a boat in the Gulf spends his time smoking cigarettes while searching Yachtworld for boats; goes to the pulmonologist & lies about his daily routine; is prescribed yet another medication then comes home, opens the yet another medical bill and bitches that "nothing's helping him."

Duh?

To soothe his nerves he smokes yet three more cigs; calls two boat yards in on the northeast coast and asked how much it would cost to repair a 57' wood hull yacht.

WHAT? Where did this come from? I ask.

He's "found a good deal" on a "very attractive" boat that needs twenty feet of the bottom side repaired. As far as he's concerned, once that's done WE will motor down to Florida's Gulf coast and live happily ONBOARD the remainder of our lives.

When I ask about the cost of repair, he says: about "$40,000. When I ask where the money will come from, he doesn't know. When I point out that it will cost more to dock a boat that size he says we won't. When I say there will be times we'll need to (like when he has medical appointments/tests, boat repair, grocery shopping) he says I'm "worrying too much."

About the time I'm ready to scream tears come instead.

I want more than anything for him to live healthy enough & long enough to return to his beloved Florida but his ideas are becoming more unreasonable each week.

He alternates between being happy & depressed; thoughtful and irrational and complacent and angry.

He had an appointment in Lansing today. I had to help him dress & drive 60 miles round trip. He came out of the appointment with some med samples and an appointment in April. I asked how things went. He said "just fine; everything's fine."

So fine that he slept all the way home & I had to help him in the house.

What's That White Stuff?

Yesterday at 8 a.m. it began to snow and continued for most of the day and night. Woke up this morning to 9 degree temp, a drift across our front door and one drift in the driveway where Sweetie insisted on skipping a section of fence so he could look at the farmer's field next door

I guess the white stuff is here to stay.

Yuck.

The furnace runs more often, the air is dryer and the bet is on for the first time we'll have to have the drive plowed.

I say stock up on meds this week. Buy a few treats and let it snow.

When it melts in the spring we'll venture out.

Meanwhile, I like reading Florida newspapers for pictures of beaches, sunshine and boats on rivers and the Gulf.

Dreaming helps pass the long, dark, cold days of winter.

Thank YOU

I appreciate the care and encouragement each of you have offered the last couple days. My son appears to be doing better now. I know it was a cry for help & I pray that he will find answers and peace to the turmoil inside him.

Today I got my long hair cut. It's been on my mind for months & finally decided to get radical. There are days I'm unable to move my arms much & that made long hair hard to care for plus I was plagued by headaches from piling it up.

I went from butt length reddish/blond hair to wavy collar length auburn hair with strands of gray. Just wash and wear. Don't even have to comb it.

When I walked out to the car Sweetie didn't recognize me. I posted pics on Facebook and the same thing happened.

While at the salon, I told the gal if she did facelifts and body sculpting, I'd pay her anything. We both laughed.

It's been a great pick-me-up and long overdue.

When All Else Fails

It's too easy to get discouraged in today's world.

The headlines and talking heads are full of insanity, greed, killing, war, ignorance and lies.

What passes for entertainment on television is designed to dumb us down, IMHO.

Add to the mix family dynamics, petty gossip, navel gazing morons who have no consideration for anyone else and it's one big headache.

Dropping out of the mainstream, retreating to 40 acres in no man's land and living under the radar can keep some of it at bay.

But, we're all really connected to one another. If not, we wouldn't survive. If we don't have a partner or kids or grandkids or siblings there's still plenty of people we interact with - even if sporadically.

This week has been my turn at the grief/misery millstone. No matter what, I'm reaping the results of past decisions and the wrath of a few family members - all who have similar histories but somehow pay more attention to mine.

Last night, as I was about to turn the computer off, I checked messages one last time. One was from my youngest son asking me not to be angry for what he had to say & please, always love him no matter what he did.

Of course, I read on.

Thankfully, he was still online & I kept him talking long enough for someone else to get to him. I have not slept since & I've done a lot of crying, blaming myself, begging, praying and staring into space.

For those of you who believe, I would appreciate your prayers. My son is still here tonight but the thread is thin.